Hello Riverdale Class of 2018! It's Richard from Zeus Comics!
Crime families, mob bosses and Hiram's shady real estate business dealings all lead to one thing for the residents of Riverdale - affordable housing and job opportunities! Why it must be a new Riverdale!
During a dinner between the Andrews and the Lodges, Hiram suggests to Fred that he run for Riverdale mayor to replace outgoing mayor Sierra McCoy. Concerned that Fred will get caught up in Hiram's shady business dealings, Archie goes to Jughead with information on Hiram... specifically that in addition to buying South Side High, Sunnyside Trailer Park and the Drive-in, Hiram also owns Pop's Choklit Shoppe! With literally all the drama. Jughead slams down a town map.
"If what you say is true this means Riverdale is in Danger!" he says.
Of what? Hiram's cooking?
Unable to run with the information out of sympathy for Pop Tate, Jughead gets info from former Lodge driver Smithers that Hiram was coordinating something with the warden of Shankshaw Prison, so Jughead and FP visit one of FP's inside men at Shankshaw.
Meanwhile, Veronica's working every angle to get Fred to run, including presenting him with her own designs on his campaign logo. And it's the same logo - a variation of blue, red and Fred. And Fred's like, "I love this one." And I'm like, 'They're all the same!'
But, truthfully, not nearly as bad as those Red Circle shirts Veronica designed for Archie back in The Town that Dreaded Sundown. What are they teaching these kids at Riverdale? Its certainly not graphic design.
Veronica's insertion into Fred's decision is certainly wearing on Archie. I mean he can't even complete a set of shirtless pull-ups without Veronica interrupting him. Back off Veronica! I was invested in Archie doing these pull-ups. We all were.
After learning that Jughead and FP visited Shankshaw, Hiram decides to come clean on his secretive real estate purchases to Fred. Hiram want to turn the Southside Highland into a for-profit prison and the remaining properties into affordable housing.
That's it? All this build up to Hiram's shady business dealings and its jobs and housing. Really? So obviously Fred rejects all that and storms out.
Catching up with the Cooper/Blossomesses... Cheryl's dead dad Clifford left a secret will to be read only after his drug dealing venture had been fully claimed by the authorities (Now, see that's shady business dealings). Nana gets a house, Mama gets a house (her whore house) and Cheryl gets half the cash with the other half divvied up and going to anyone that prove they have Blossom blood.
Its my dead dad's birthday! And you get cash and you get cash and you get cash! If that's not ridiculous enough, they've even set up a blossom blood testing clinic in town just to test who gets some of the Blossom fortune.
It's here that Betty drops off one of Chic's bloody dental floss she fished out of his trash.
First off, Ew! Second, when the test comes back negative for Blossom blood (because remember, grandpappy Cooper was actually a Blossom) she confronts him near the end of the episode... aaand nothing happens. They just leave us in that moment because across town, without the support of Fred, the Lodges have decided to run their own candidate!
Herimone Lodge! Scandal! Not really.
Okay let me bring it back a for second because that was reveal was kinda lame. I'm in the show for two reasons: Cheryl Blossom and Alice Cooper. When they go off the rails and are serving it, I'm eating it up. Like when Alice crashes the Blossom will reading saying, "Shut your face you half melted 10 cent Trollip!"
Oh, and while I'm here, I've got one really big problem with these characters. They answer their phones... like the talk on them. These are supposed to be kids - textings, sextings, and the Snapchating. I have a landline at Zeus and I barely answer that.
You should probably also know that dead patriarch Clifford has a twin, Claudius, who has now taken up residence in Thornhill and in a not-so private conversation with Penelope, they agree to "take care of" Nana first then Cheryl. Also, Polly Cooper creeped out by Chic and bothered all the drama surrounding Hal and Alice's potential divorce has decided to flee with the twins out west like maybe San Francisco. The Blossom check must have been huge because that rent ain’t cheap.
Up next Riverdale, turns it up to eleven with, Oooo, a mayoral campaign... and maybe something will happen with the kids.
It's a brand new Riverdale, "Primary Colors."