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6 Of The Worst Treats Given On Halloween By People Who Hate Fun

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If you pass out any of these on Halloween, you deserve whatever wrath that befalls your front yard at the hands of the neighbor kids.


When did you give up on life and humanity?


Close-up of large group of coins over white background

This happened several times when I was a kid. Maybe you ran out of candy and are emptying the change jar in desperation.

Or maybe you’re evil incarnate that wasn’t able to get your hands on any anthrax to give out.

Raisins (or any fruit for that matter)

Bowl of dark raisins isolated on white background

We’ll take 2 scoops of none of that.

Get outta here with that and fork over something that will push us further down the road to self-inflicted diabetes.

Religious Tracts Of Any Kind

Look, we respect your devotion to your faith. But I didn’t dress up like an undead banana to have my soul saved, be told about Hare Krishna, have my thetans checked or be assured that my place in hell is firmly ensconced for celebrating the devil’s holiday.

Gimmie a Reese’s and I’ll see you on Sunday.


This is like bringing a fire extinguisher to an Arsonists Anonymous meeting – way to ruin a potentially really good time.

On a night that’s meant to be one of pure fantasy, don’t mess it up with your fluoridated dose of reality.

Just like the undead, let those teeth rot in peace for one night.

Condiments (AKA I just cleaned out my kitchen junk drawer)

You could have at least splurged and given out packets of spicy mustard.

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