10 Crazy, Hypothetical Twitter Headlines That Would Give Dallasites A Heart Attack

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Original Image via Flickr: Luis Tomayo

By Kristina Rowe, NewsCastic

“Texas Rangers Win the World Series” #omg

Twitter has become a popular source for breaking news, entertainment tidbits, local gossip and more. In Dallas, like in most larger cities, it’s the place to go to keep up with everything from boring city hall news or exciting sports outcomes. If there’s a crisis, screw up or major event, you can bet there’s someone out there live Tweeting it.

Here are some faux Dallas headlines ranging from not-yet-true to never gonna happen that we think would cause Tweetstorms of epic proportion. Just for fun, we’ll predict the likelihood of any of them happening.


State Fair Moves to Frisco

The City of Dallas has been kicking the can down the road on the controversial issue of Fair Park for, well, quite some time now. But even as pricey plans come and go, everyone assumes that the State Fair of Texas will never, ever leave Dallas. But everything else seems to be moving to Frisco, why not Big Tex too? That would kick the current rumbles on Twitter up a notch or two.

Likelihood: Slim. No diss to Frisco — it’s quite an appealing town with enlightened development plans that are being executed brilliantly. But the State Fair Board seems to want the fair to stay in Dallas, and let’s face it, the Dallas City Council just can’t be happy without something to fight about.


Texas Rangers Win the World Series

Sports figures and topics typically comprise as many as a third of the area’s trending hashtags on any given day. If the Rangers won the world series, related hashtags would dominate the trends while everybody in DFW tweeted their taunts and brags.

Likelihood: At the moment, it’s looking pretty good.


Jerry Jones Set to Retire

Poor Jerry Jones. No, wait, Jerry Jones is filthy rich, not poor. But we have a little sympathy because he’s a guy DFW loves to hate. News of a new General Manager for America’s Team would spread like wildfire on Twitter.

Likelihood: Never on the selling the team part — the franchise is now worth around four billion (that’s with a b, folks) dollars. As for the GM part, our magic eight ball says “Ask again.” And we will. Repeatedly.


New “Supermarket Sweep” Style Game Show Debuts in Luxury Stores of Dallas

Dallas loves reality and game shows and we love shopping, especially luxury shopping. So imagine if someone figured out a way to combine the two. DFW would absolutely blow that up on Twitter. Forget Shark Tank, forget Wheel of Fortune, the line to compete for a contestant spot on a show like that would go on for days, as would its trending hashtag rank.

Likelihood: You never know. Dallas finally got its own Real Housewives series, and Big Rich Texas certainly didn’t get made on the cheap. The right producer could surely make it happen. I just hope he or she will call me to “consult.”


Tiny House Neighborhood Proposed to House Dallas Homeless

Social issues don’t trend quite as often as entertainment stories do, but they still have a place on Twitter. The right story can pick up momentum, while keeping people informed on important local issues. People who want solutions for the homeless people of Dallas turn to Twitter to stay informed on the latest proposals.

Likelihood: Highly unlikely. Tiny home “villages” have been implemented in Oregon and proposed in others, but Dallas sometimes has problems even listening to proposed solutions.


Mark Cuban Named US Secretary of Commerce

Twitter loves a controversy, so political chatter is all the rage — literally and figuratively. Mark Cuban gets plenty of attention on Twitter, no matter what he’s up to. He’s waded into the political fray lately, with mixed responses on Twitter, so we think he deserves consideration for a cabinet seat.

Likelihood: Less than 50%. Hillary Clinton passed on making him her running mate, and last we checked, Donald Trump called him dopey. Still, he knows how to do really cool things with money, so he might be an excellent choice for whichever one finds themselves the President-elect.


8-Year Old Outthrows Nolan Ryan at Science Museum Exhibit

It’s a sports venue, it’s a science lab, it’s a museum. The Sports Hall exhibit at the Perot Museum of Nature and Science lets kids learn about kinetics in a fun way. And while everyday occurrences at Dallas area museums don’t usually make it to trending status, exceptional events and occurrences sometimes do.

Likelihood: Never gonna happen. Nobody’s ever gonna out pitch Nolan Ryan, but at the Perot museum, kids can give it a try and clock their fastball speed seven days a week. That sounds more fun to us than trying to outrun a T-Rex.


Starck Club Reopens

Twitter is a great place to find places to go and things to do. From food pics to club scenes, you can satisfy pretty much any social desire, as long as you follow or search out the right people. If one of the hot spots from Dallas’s past came back to life, it would light up Twitter so bright, it would be impossible to miss.

Likelihood: Complete and utter fantasy. But we can dream, can’t we?


Free Burgers

If Shake Shack gave away free burgers at their Dallas Grand Opening, Twitter would buzz so hard it might actually break. What, you didn’t know Shake Shack was coming to Dallas? You would if you were on Twitter.

Likelihood: Nix to the free burgers part, but for sure, the first Shake Shack in DFW opened September 1st.


Dallas Drivers Find Sneaky Ways to Evade Trinity River Toll Bridge

Thank goodness Twitter isn’t overrun with cat pics, but video and pictures are essential. And its up-to-the-minute streams make it a good place for traffic warnings, closure notifications and other driving advice. The proposed Trininty River Corridor Toll Road has all the elements of a Twitter trend — controversy, cronyism, cars, and a healthy dose of outrage.

Likelihood: It’s probably inevitable, but not in the foreseeable future. That’s a can we’re happy to see Dallas keep kicking down the road.