A 43-year-old British man has finally figured out (hopefully) why he can’t get a girlfriend. It’s those 29 Miley Cyrus-inspired tattoos he has all over his body.
Carl McCoid has ‘Miley Cyrus’ across his collar bone and permanent portraits of the singer – some tongue in, some tongue out, all pretty decent size – along with her initials and various song lyrics and Miley Cyrus-type scribblings inked all over his body.
And for some reason, 29 Miley tattoos are not making girls want to call Carl their very own.
“People can’t seem to see past the tattoos and it was having a very negative effect on my life where I felt trapped by them. I’ve just gone off her,” McCoid told the Hull Daily Mail.
But there’s always something to talk about on those first (and last) dates. “The conversation just seems to be centered around them and it just gets boring. I feel like I can’t move on,” he said.
And so, Miley, it’s just not going to work out for you and Carl. It’s not you, it’s him. This time.
Carl has, alas, begun the arduous and painful task of laser tattoo removal.
And we know that hurts because if you go to a dermatologist to get a funny-looking mole checked, you can hear grown men screaming bloody murder from the back of the ‘spa.’
Spa, my eye.
“That really hurt. It was ten times worse than getting them, but I’m not bothered how much pain I have to go through. I feel set free and it feels great to be getting rid of them,” Carl said to Hull Daily Mail.
Laser tattoo removal takes a long time, so to speed up the process, Carl has also started covering up some of the skin art with new, non-Miley tattoos.
And with all this goes the nearly $4,000 Carl spent declaring his undying (un-dye-ing?) devotion to Miley. He says he’s working seven days a week with his ironing business to pay for it all and he doesn’t care how much it costs to get rid of them.
And to top it all off, Miley told Oyster Magazine, “There’s a dude that holds a record of the most pictures of my face. He has like 18 pictures of my face and they’re really ugly.”
Ouch. That hurts almost as much as those lasers.