Love to Hate Austin: 10 Reasons Why Dallas Is Not Always Super Fond of Its Neighbor

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Photo via Jeremy Keith, Flickr

By Kate Morgan, NewsCastic

No matter where you live or how well you do something, there’s always that guy, hanging out around the corner trying to bag on your game and say he does it better than you. Sometimes that’s all just talk. Sometimes it’s true.

In the case of Texas’ major cities, it’s an out-and-out feud. That is when it’s not gentle ribbing. Our relationship is complicated.

To Dallasites, Austin–the sprawling tourist destination, megalopolis, and music capital of Texas–is not without problems. Here are ten reasons we love to hate it, yet still totally drive to visit it.

Austin acts like they’re the only ones with music.

Photo via Thomas Hawk, Flickr

Look, I know you have the City Limits. They are yours, they are great, and we are not taking them from you. (And really, they are actually awesome.)

But we also have a lot of great bands and many great venues. DFW has The Polyphonic Spree, Pentatonix, Mystery Skulls and Quaker City Night Hawks. And they are kind of great.

Your scene is so saturated White Denim has pretty much remained besties with Dallas-based Gorilla vs. Bear for forever. What we’ve got going on in the Big D is really not that bad in comparison.

They literally cannot control the crazy that goes on in that capitol building.

Photo via Brook Ward, Flickr

One politician. Many votes.

If this state had any sense we’d lock half of these people up as felons. Can’t you guys do a little something to reign them in? They’re playing a lot of these games on your turf.

Their food and art are way too trendy.

Photo via NoNo Joe, Flickr

Austin, you will put bacon on anything. Even a chicken and waffles taco! Do I need to say more? I mean, I get that this is delicious, but not everything needs to be some sort of mashup of trendy food from LA and New York.

They’re not a monopoly on tech.

Photo via Kris Krug, Flickr

We have so many app developers in Dallas county. So many. Yes, we understand you’ve got a lot of them too.

But like, could you just quit waving SXSW around like it is the only place people can ever network to talk about these things? It’s a cool party. But it is not the only one.

They’ve got a mess of traffic.

Photo via Twidget, Flickr

Look. You just organized your city wrong. We appreciate that the density with which you pack things gives us areas like Sixth St., but you can’t put it all in the middle and expect not to have traffic jams.

Y’all still need a civic planner or two. Sorry, not sorry.

They have Bookpeople. I want Bookpeople.

Recycled Books and the really big Half Price Books with all the meeting rooms off of 75 don’t even match your vibe. It’s just not fair.

The place is seriously full of hipsters!

Photo via Todd Dwyer, Flickr

Look, I get that you’re trying to be quaint and adopt a spirit of anti-commercialism by referencing Allen Ginsberg and jazz cats while still totally embracing commercialism like all the other hot spots in the nation. But this is getting old.

Please Austin, please. Just because you package it in green stuff, or it’s not quite as processed as the other options doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good. It needs to meet the need for social good and also be good. Let’s everyone get on board with this okay?

And this means so much faux-irony fashion. Soooo 2008.

Mustaches are okay, I guess, but adopting a sense of masculinity should not be attached to a specific visual marker. This is gender studies 101.

Man buns are not necessarily an improvement, even if they are adopting a traditionally feminine or extra-cultural sensibility. Just wear whatever hairstyle you want and stop trying to look like the latest thing. Please.

They act like UT is the only university in the state.

Photo via Phil Roeder, Flickr

It’s not like two other UT campuses in the metroplex didn’t just make Tier 1  classification status for their research.

You are special, but you are not that special. You are not the only game in the state. You basically just have more college football than we do.

They’re just not even that weird.

#tbt • #castlehill #hopeoutdoorgallery #keepaustinweird

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You don’t even have a big, gated giant eyeball you have to keep from getting vandalized Austin. Seriously.