Vladimir Putin: ‘I am not a woman, so I don’t have bad days’

Guess who NEVER as a bad day? EVER. Russian president Vladimir Putin, that’s who. Do you know why? Because he’s a man and not a woman. Also, if you try to make him bathe next to a homosexual, you better remember he’s a Jedi  judo master.

In The Putin Interviews, an upcoming documentary for cable channel Showtime, Oliver Stone is being given a tour of the Kremlin when Putin tells him, “I am not a woman, so I don’t have bad days.”

Stone, best known for directing movies including Platoon, JFK, Natural Born Killers, and Wall Street, was given continued access as he gathered hours of footage interviewing the Russian president between July 2015 and February 2017 according to Bloomberg, the media outlet given early access to the documentary.

Putin goes on to defend his comment. “I am not trying to insult anyone. That’s just the nature of things. There are certain natural cycles,” he says.

But why stop there? At one point during interviews, the two discuss Russia’s 2013 outlawing of gay propaganda, and Stone asks Putin if he would take a shower, in a submarine, next to a gay man. Putin tells Stone he’d pass, and he has a great reason. “Well, I prefer not to go to the shower with him. Why provoke him?”

Awesome.

But wait, there’s more. Putin’s not worried about handling unwanted advances.  “But you know, I’m a judo master.”

Episodes of the two-hour long special begin airing next week, although Bloomberg reports the documentary offers “little that’s new about the former KGB agent who’s ruled Russia for more than 17 years.”

Guess that’s just the nature of things.