CHICAGO — The good news is there’s a great job opening for CEO at Cards Against Humanity! The bad news is there’s only one candidate who fits the bill and if you’re not former President Barack Obama, it ain’t you.
The Chicago-based company posted the new job listing on Craigslist. The ad introduces the position with this statement:
“Cards Against Humanity, the #1 best-selling party game, is hiring a new CEO!
Let’s face it: we have no idea what we’re doing. This year, we wasted an enormous amount of time and energy trying to get Hillary Clinton elected President, and on Black Friday we dug a huge hole in the ground because we wanted to find out if it would be funny. It’s been a great run, but now it’s time for real adult leadership.”
Basic requirements include the usual: Strong public speaking skills, cool under pressure, excellent negotiating skills, willing to travel, etc. Oh, and of course the candidate must be proficient in Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint.
Cards Against Humanity does encourage women and minorities to apply for the job — so you’d think there’d be a large pool of fully-qualified candidates, right? Yeah… no.
Other specifications leave absolutely no doubt about who they want: Minimum eight years as POTUS or equivalent nation (that part is awesome), prefer first black editor of the Harvard Law Review, passed national healthcare reform, and recipient of Nobel Peace Prize.
Why didn’t they add in there best singer and basketball player to ever live in the White House?
It works out great because, you know, Mr. Obama just left his last job.
Will he become so bored with retirement that he actually considers it? Will he trade days on the golf course for nights of practicing the party game you probably never want to play with your parents?
He might — because they offer full benefits AND a new computer.