Catholic Church Officials Say U.S. Exorcisms Are On the Rise

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BROWNSBURG, Ind. — Is demonic possession on the rise?

Well, an Indiana exorcist says business is booming for Catholic Church leaders appointed to exorcise demons!

“Most people, by the time they call me, they’ve already diagnosed themselves,” exorcist Father Vincent Lampert declared.

The priest says he gets about 20 requests a week from people who believe they have been possessed.

“These creatures, they’re not human!” Adam Blai, a demonologist for the Diocese of Pittsburgh shared. “Dramatic stuff is going on, and the demon will pause and just turn, and stop everything, turn and say, ‘Well, you’re a little shaky today.’ They’re a hundred percent evil.”

With more evil in the world, there’s a greater need for more exorcists. So now instead of having only 12 bishop-appointed exorcists across the country,  the church has 50!

“There are different ways that maybe evil comes in,” Father Vincent revealed. “Somebody being cursed….a life of habitual sin.”

If you’re a skeptic, how do you explain this?

“A woman raised on a farm with a high school education,” Blai described. “The person was interrogated in English, French, Latin, Lithuanian, and German and properly responded to all the languages.”

Some say an exorcist’s job can take years to complete! “It’s like Hell having a lease on the apartment, and the apartment is your body,” Blai explained.

How does a priest handle casting out so many demons?

“After one here in Indiana on the way home, you asked how do I unwind,” Father Vincent recalled. “I stopped at Dairy Queen and had a chocolate shake on the way home.”

Well, it’s hard to believe you could still have an appetite after being splashed with green vomit, but whatever you say, Father!

Just sleep tight and don’t let the bed bugs bite or anything else, for that matter!