If you’re in any kind of relationship, you know it isn’t always sunshine and lollipops and believe it or not, our attitude of contempt towards our partner is the number one predictor of a divorce ahead.
If you and yours are on the rocks listen up, because Brittany Wong of The Huffington Post compiled a handful of experts and the signs of a relationship in jeopardy.
Marriage Therapist Christine Wilke points out that, “it’s not what you say, but how you say it that makes all the difference”. Plus counselor Chelli Pumphey says that “If you find yourself rolling your eyes or smirking...your relationship could be headed for trouble”, and Marriage and family therapist LeMel Firestone-Palerm warns us not to use sarcasm of make mean-spirited jokes.
So it’s safe to say, if you want this thing to work out, make sure when you try to communicate that you come to them with respect. No matter how much it hurts or annoys you, try to keep your body language and reactions respectful too.
Couples authors Judith and Bob Wright say we get to that place in arguments because we live in the past. They say, ”to avoid contempt all together, you need to stay current in your communications along the way."
So take each issue one at a time and be aware of what pushes your buttons. When things do hit the fan, psychotherapist Bonnie Ray Kennan suggests just taking a breath and try to break that cycle of contempt. She says, “When you feel the urge to go there, take a deep breath and say ‘stop’ quietly to yourself. Contempt is a bad habit like smoking or nail biting. With work, you can break it.”
Here’s hoping you and yours see the signs and finds ways to leave the contempt at the door.