By Kristi Rowe, NewsCastic
Dallas has bragging rights to several firsts and bests and mosts. We have the most restaurants per capita in the U.S. And although we were a little late to the public transportation train (pardon the pun) we jumped on with full force. We have the most miles of light rail of any city in the U.S. But there are a few things we have the most of (or an awful lot of) that we’d rather we didn’t. See if you agree that we could stand to get rid of a few of these.
Land of 10, 000 Potholes
Nobody does surveys on how many potholes there are, and there certainly aren’t any prizes for having the most. But Dallas has absolutely increased its number of potholes in the last decade or so. All of us, at one time or another, reroute around a few non-navigable streets. We pray our car’s suspension will survive when we drive certain sections of the highway. The worst, though, is when we turn into parking lots that are just a network of potholes, some large enough to swallow your whole car.
Are We THERE Yet?
Someone has to fix the potholes, right? And we need new highways to keep traffic moving. But sometimes it feels like you’re just driving from one construction zone to another. The worst is when you go to an unfamiliar place. Good luck figuring out exactly where that detour sign is pointing while your nice GPS lady tells you ridiculous things like “Take the EXIT exit.”
Keep Those Cars on the Road
Between the potholes and the extreme traffic, it seems that folks in Dallas always need to fix something on their cars. Maybe they’re just upgrading with steering wheel covers or sun visors, but there’s an auto parts store or three in every neighborhood. is there a secret we’re missing? We’ve got enough stuff to fix every car in America!
They Paved Paradise (And Ran Away)
If they took down some of the auto parts stores, they’d need other stores to fill them. And really, there’s plenty of space in the malls. Dallas has more shopping centers per capita than any place in the world. Which is well and good when they’re full of nice places to shop. Sadly we think at least a third of them are languishing shopping malls and strip centers with way too many empty spaces.
Hey Big Spender
There’s a reason all those malls sprang up. Dallas is the home of what we mockingly call “the $50,000 a year millionaire.” Seems like no matter where you go, someone is flashing wads of cash, platinum plastic, or designer duds or shades. We know that only a handful of them have the bank accounts to back it up and that real billionaires prefer to blend in.
Take Me To Church
Heaven help you if you try to drive by a mega church or go out for brunch or lunch on Sunday. And depending on which suburb you live in, there may literally be a church on every corner. Dallas itself has five of the 50 largest churches in America. Of course, we have people to fill ’em up too. A 2014 Pew Research Polls showed that 78% percent of DFW citizens identify as Christians – more than any other major metro area in the U.S.
Unbelievably Ugly, Dirty, Stinky Feet
We haven’t personally seen that many hideous feet around Dallas, which has us wondering why so many Foot Spas are springing up. Sure we work hard and our feet are tired, but do we really need one of these on every corner? Unless all those churchgoers are bringing foot washing back in style, we could probably do with a few less.
Dallas might be to tans what Bubba was to shrimp. We have farmers tans, orange tans, tanning booths, spray tans, tan lines, drivers tans, tanning beds, fishing tans, pool lounge tans, and whew! Did we forget any? Our obsession with the perfect, year-round tan is unsurpassed. Someone might need to remind us to step away from the Coppertone.
Break it To Me Gently
Dallas has too many taco joints?!?! No way, we’re just kidding with this one. We’re more than happy to be the Bubba of tacos. There is simply no such thing as too many taco places – just too many tough decisions choosing which one’s for dinner.