Wanted: Punxsutawney Phil, For Snow Against Humanity

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MERRIMACK, NH — Pennsylvania police need your help. Just days ago, the most popular Marmota Monax, known by his street name Punxsutawney Phil, lied to a nation of innocent bystanders. Just is the case with humans, when an animal lies to the long arm of the law, there’s retaliation. So, the Merrimack Police Department put out a warrant for the rodent.